DARING DIALOGUE

    This site lists forums where people may engage in dialogue with pedophiles and pederasts.

    Daring Dialogue is part of the Philia sites, which provide news and resources to religious support groups for adults who are attracted to minors. The sites offer interfaith and secular material that will be of interest to all minor-attracted adults and to other people seeking information about pedophilia and pederasty. To learn more, please see our home page


    October 2002

    Table of Contents

    The Need for Dialogue
    Security
    Rules
    Terminology
    Tips for Dialogue with Adults Who are Attracted to Minors
    The Forums
    Disclaimer
    Contacting This Site

    The Need for Dialogue

    The desire for Internet discussions between adults who are attacted to minors and non-pedophiles has been mutual. Non-pedophiles often have questions, comments, concerns, or criticisms regarding the lives of pedophiles. Pedophiles and pederasts in turn often wish to explain to outsiders their feelings and their various beliefs and behavior, in an attempt to widen non-pedophiles' perspective on them.

    The dangers inherent in such dialogue are clear, but many participants in such discussions report that the experience is rewarding, either because they receive the opportunity to express their views or because they learn more about people whom they have opposed. 

    Because of the increase in such conversations, several forums have arisen recently that encourage dialogue between minor-attracted adults and non-pedophiles. Some are run only by pedophiles and pederasts; others are jointly run with non-pedophiles. At all of these forums, non-pedophiles are welcome to state their views on pedophilia and pederasty and to learn more about minor-attracted adults. Likewise, minor-attracted adults are provided with the opportunity to become better acquainted with the views of non-pedophiles.

    Security

    Posting at a forum visited mainly by pedophiles and pederasts presents obvious risks, particularly for male non-pedophiles, who may be assumed by outsiders to be attracted to minors themselves. Non-pedophiles should be aware that all of the forums below are open to the public and are doubtlessly monitored by law enforcement agents. Unless the non-pedophile has a job in which he would naturally make inquiries about pedophilia, it is wisest to post messages under a nickname. In all cases, it is best not to give out personal information, whether at the forums or by e-mail. All of the Webmasters at the forums listed here will be glad to provide information to new members about specific security measures taken at their forums. General information on safety precautions may be found in Internet Security Information

    Rules

    Every forum has its own rules; be sure to read them or to inquire about them before participating. All of the forums listed below discourage flames (direct personal insults), but they vary in what type of messages they encourage. Some welcome non-flaming critical posts; others are set up for support purposes, and only supportive messages are welcome. (Supportive messages simply wish the forum participants well in some manner; you need not agree with the beliefs of the forum participants in order to post a supportive message.) Neutral inquiries are usually welcome at any of the forums.

    It is generally permitted to ask pedophiles and pederasts about events in their lives, and in fact you can learn a great deal about adult-minor attraction through such inquiries, but you should not be offended if the other person declines to provide information about any aspect of his life. Repeated inquiries about the sexual behavior of forum participants are usually treated with suspicion.

    Terminology

    The term pedophiles is used at this site to refer to adults who are attracted to prepubescent children, and the term pederasts is used to refer to adults who are attracted to adolescents. (More information is available on the above definitions.) In addition, terms used by minor-attracted adults to refer to themselves are used where appropriate. The term non-pedophiles is used here to refer to people who are neither pedophiles nor pederasts. Visitors should note, though, that many of the organizations mentioned below use the term pedophiles to mean all minor-attracted adults.

    More than any other area, terminology concerning pedophiles has impeded dialogue. Minor-attracted adults and non-pedophiles alike naturally prefer to use terminology that expresses their beliefs about adult-minor attraction and sex, although such terminology may be offensive to other forum participants.

    Below are a few terms that have proved to be flare-up points in dialogue.

    Pedophile is a word that has various meanings. Clinically it means an adult who is attracted to prepubescent children, while popularly it has come to mean an adult who is attracted to minors. Sometimes it is used to refer only to child molesters. The ambiguity of the word creates problems in dialogue, and some minor-attracted adults find the word offensive, either because of its negative connotations or (if they are opposed to pedophilia) because of its etymological derivation.

    Many adults who are attracted to minors have chosen other terms for themselves besides pedophile. If you find such terms offensive or evasive, you need not use them, but your use of such terms will not be mistaken by minor-attracted adults as a declaration of your views on pedophilia.

    Molesters, abusers, perpetrators, offenders, recovering pedophiles. Terms such as these are the subject of much debate by pedophiles and pederasts at some forums. Some minor-attracted adults believe that such terminology accurately describes themselves; others object to the use of such terms; others will be willing to debate the terms' meanings.

    Perverts. Highly inflammatory terms such as this are unwelcome at all of the forums.

    Boylovers, girl-lovers, child-lovers. See below for the definition of these pedophiles and pederasts. All of these terms are derived from the word pedophile, which means "child" (paedo-) "lover" (phile). The use of the terms, however, has caused controversy.

    Young friends, loved boys, loved girls. Boylovers and girl-lovers have developed terms that many non-pedophiles find offensive. Young friends are children who are considered by boylovers and girl-lovers to be their friends; there need not be sexual contact between the boylover/girl-lover and the child. The use of the terms loved boys and loved girls generally implies that sexual contact has taken place.

    The appropriateness of such terminology is a legitimate topic for debate at most forums; however, repeated sarcastic messages about the terminology obstructs dialogue.

    Tips for Dialogue with Adults Who are Attracted to Minors

    1. Ask questions. It is likely that you will arrive at the forum with preconceptions about pedophiles and pederasts. Some of your conceptions may be true; others are likely to be false. By asking minor-attracted adults to explain more about themselves, and by evaluating what they say, you can clear up misconceptions you may hold concerning pedophiles and pederasts; at the same time, they can clear up misconceptions they may hold concerning non-pedophiles.

    2. Don't generalize about beliefs and behavior. Pedophiles and pederasts hold a wide range of beliefs and engage in a variety of behavior. Some minor-attracted adults are sexually active; some are celibate but are in favor of changes to the law to allow adult-minor sex; some are celibate and are morally opposed to adult-minor sex. All three types of minor-attracted adults can often be found posting at the same place. Take the time to learn what the other person's beliefs are, and don't assume that the beliefs of a small number of pedophiles and pederasts represent the beliefs of everyone at the forum. Treat each minor-attracted adult as an individual.

    3. Be polite. Flames, sarcasm, and other forms of insult are self-defeating tactics. Like everyone else, pedophiles and pederasts pay little attention to the words of people who yell at them. If you wish to persuade minor-attracted adults that your view is right, take the time to express your comments and criticisms in a polite manner. Pedophiles and pederasts are generally quite willing to listen to criticisms that are expressed in this way, and some say that they welcome the opportunity to re-examine their beliefs.

    4. Be sensitive. Hard as it may be to believe, many of the pedophiles and pederasts you will encounter have been severely hurt in the past. Some are survivors of child sexual abuse; others have struggled alone with their sexual feelings during their teenage years; most have encountered hatred and vilification throughout their lives. In the end, you will reach your own conclusions as to whether or not this hatred is justified, but take into account that the minor-attracted adult you are speaking with may identify you with non-pedophiles who have hurt him in the past, and he may therefore be overly touchy concerning remarks that you make. Although misunderstandings will arise on both sides, if you converse with pedophiles and pedophiles in an ordinary, decent manner, most will respond eagerly.

    5. Remember that dialogue educates. You are not at the forum simply to teach; you are there to learn. Take advantage of this fact.

    The Forums

    GENERAL

    General forums deal with general issues related to pedophilia and pederasty.

    Open Hands. This site provides a forum at which friends and family members of minor-attracted adults have the opportunity to learn more about pedophilia by talking with others, including minor-attracted adults. The site includes a message board where members may post personal stories, as well as a Frequently Asked Questions page where participants may post questions and answers. The Links page leads to science articles and support sites. Occasional religious discussions are permitted. The project was constructed by both minor-attracted adults and non-pedophiles.

    The Project Coordinator says: "Open Hands was put together to build bridges between pedophiles and non-pedophiles. Those of us who are pedophiles hope to learn from non-pedophiles, breaking down walls that we have constructed to protect ourselves and permitting us to see one another as human beings deserving of respect."

    BOYLOVERS AND GIRL-LOVERS

    Boylovers and girl-lovers are adults who are attracted to boys and girls (respectively) and who do not necessarily take part in sexual recovery groups. They hold various views on whether it is appropriate to act on their sexuality.

    Christian Boylove Forum. This discussion board concentrates its mission on support; supportive messages from non-pedophiles are always welcome.

    The CBF Webmaster says: "The Christian Boylove Forum was created to provide a safe, non-threatening forum for discussion between Christians who are prepared to examine issues surrounding pedophilia. Discussions focus on the challenges of living with an attraction to male minors, and seek to give guidance to both pedophiles and non-pedophiles in the church community. The participation of non-pedophiles is critical to allow boylovers  to feel accepted within the Christian community. With this acceptance comes the desire for accountability and an opportunity for boylovers to examine their attraction and the dangers associate with it."

    Close Encounters Digest. Close Encounters was designed to be a place where both people who are attracted to boys significantly younger than themselves and people who do not share that attraction could come to discuss all of the various issues related to emotional, romantic, and sexual relationships between boys and older people. The goal was to bring together people with diverse identities, diverse backgrounds, and diverse opinions on these subjects to engage in open and frank dialogue in order to further understanding amongst all participants.

    Crossroads. Crossroads began as a companion site to Close Encounters. This forum emphasizes debate on boylove and girl-love with a great deal of freedom of expression.

    The Webmaster says: "People often have strong feelings one way or the other about pedophilia. Survivors of abuse, social workers, and parents may have profound emotions when confronting with minor-attracted adults. Similarly, some pedophiles are frustrated at the persecution and stereotypes based on the behavior of others. The standards of conduct enforced at our affiliate site Close Encounters may not afford these individuals the freedom to express themselves. Crossroads emphasizes the right of each person to speak freely."

    Pédagora. See also the FAQ. "Ce site est ouvert à tous ceux qu'intéresse le débat autour de la pédophilie, quelles que soient leurs idées sur le sujet." French-speaking non-pedophiles wishing to converse with boylovers and girl-lovers are welcome at this forum designed for dialogue between pedophiles and non-pedophiles. Occasional religious discussions are permitted. Both pedophiles and non-pedophiles are welcome to join the forum's committee. An extensive bibliography and links list are provided. (A rough English translation is available through AltaVista.)

    The Webmaster says: "This place [is] open to all those who are interested in the topic of pedophilia: pedophiles and non-pedophiles, defenders of our orientation, adversaries or those simply curious and wishing to form an opinion."

    Other Forums. BoyChat, the main boylove discussion board, directs non-pedophile visitors wishing to debate boylove to Crossroads, but supportive messages from non-pedophiles remain welcome. GirlChat, for girl-lovers, also sponsors a forum for discussions between boylovers and girl-lovers, called Common Ground .

    SEXUAL RECOVERY

    Sexual recovery groups devoted to pedophilia seek to modify the behavior of minor-attracted adults or to change their sexual feelings.  Minor-attracted adults who are undergoing sexual recovery and who believe that they have in some way acted on their pedophilic desires are called recovering offenders. They may not have offended in the legal sense of the word. Some minor-attracted adults who take part in sexual recovery groups have not acted on their pedophilic desires. 

    Healing Together. This set of discussion boards and chat rooms is designed as a place where offenders and abuse survivors may interact; other visitors may post at the general forums. Religious discussions take place at the Spiritual Healing forum. In addition, Healing Together provides discussion boards for family and friends of survivors, recovering offenders, and non-recovering offenders. Because the forums are designed for support, all messages should be of a supportive nature.

    The Webmaster says: "Visitors who are neither offenders nor survivors are welcome to post at the main discussion area, The Gathering Place. Their contributions can show survivors and recovering offenders how people that have not been touched by abuse are dealing with the problems of life."

    Other Forums. Alt.abuse.offender.recovery, a newsgroup for pedophiles in sexual recovery, often carries messages from supportive or inquiring non-pedophiles.

    Disclaimer

    Pedophilia and pederasty are particularly sensitive issues, and it should be understood that the views expressed by people who are quoted or summarized at this site do not necessarily represent the views of the editor of Daring Dialogue. The editor is not responsible for any views expressed at sites that are linked to this site; likewise, a link to a site or the inclusion of site maintainers' comments here in no way indicates that the site maintainers necessarily endorse the beliefs of the editor.

    Contacting This Site

    The founder of this site is Heather Elizabeth Peterson. If you have any suggestions or comments, please write to infoATphilia.ws

    Daring Dialogue does not link to sites containing child pornography.

    Healing Together

    Daring Dialogue 
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    infoATphilia.ws

    © 2002 philia.ws
    Readers wishing to publish or post copyrighted material from this site must contact Daring Dialogue for permission.